Unsaid, A Love Letter

I’ve labored too
long and hard
to gather all of
this self-worth to
allow its demise
in three strikes,
with a dig about
a woman who’s
more perfect for
you, a criticism
of my reasoning,
and a patently
snide definition
of the concept
of “interjection”.

But, oh, how I love
the real you
hidden inside.

Withdrawal is the
mortar of all my
defenses, while
yours remain
reinforced by the
jab and cutting
remark. Mine is
no better, I know,
and scares you
as much as me,
but I swear I did
try to relax my
guard by standing
quite still and
submitting it for
your warm and
tender inspection.

And, oh, how I love
the real you
hidden inside.

It’s true that you
can’t live by the
judgments and
tides of the mob,
but just perhaps
those few that
you have allowed
near your heart
have averred your
tongue aggressive
because … it is.
But I know it only
happens when
you are trapped
and feeling hurt –
you revert to the
conditioned skills
of pure survival,
honed by abuses
and rejections.

And, oh, how I love
the real you
hidden inside.

Valid doubts exist
because I’ve sat
patient, quiet, and
far too near the
cage of a beaten
animal before –
alas, Trust never
showed up for the
reward. The sad
and tortured beast’s
perception of
refuge was lost
in its perpetual
analysis of my
every movement
and motive, thus
forsaking all my
attempts at love
for its own lonely
preservation.

But, oh, how I love
the real you
hidden inside.

My love, if only
you knew what I
really wanted to
say about how we
are the same, you
and I. And how
you can stand
up for yourself
sans the spiteful
defensiveness, or
retaining me as
whipping boy.
Oh, how I would
gladly join in the
defense of you,
if only you would
notice that your
most subtle and
heavy armor just
serves to bolster
my protections.

And I’ve no doubts
about my love
for the real you
hidden inside.

© 2008 Marcy Stoeckel